Time-Constrained Fitness

You know how I was supposed to lose weight for my brother's upcoming wedding? Well, I have ONE month left. And I haven't even gotten started. Although my scales keep telling me I'm losing weight, I don't feel as if I am. Honestly, I think the thing is broken. It's giving me false hope. My clothes still fit the same. So, unless some things have shifted around, I'm just going to assume the scales are wrong (they're telling me I only have about 7 pounds to go to get to my pre-baby weight and that is an outright LIE because my hips, belly, and arms are all much bigger than pre-conception).

So, what is a girl who has no free time to do? I have a brand, spanking new Wii but no Wii Active or whatever the workout programs are. I have the standard Sports that came with it, so do you think that would help me tone up some? My arms need major help, even though I'm toting around a 20-lb kid every day. I'd like to get the Zumba game but don't know if I have time to do it. Any advice for toning up in a month's time. I don't want to loathe myself when I go dress shopping...

How's everyone else doing on their goals for the year? Failing like me?

Feeling Lumpy

Warning: this will be a "poor-pitiful-me" post. A rant, if-you-will. If you're not into that sort of thing, just ignore me. I apologize. But I'm just not feeling good about myself lately.

Have I worked out at all this week? No. Have I eaten right? Nope. Did I devour the chocolate chip cookies my mom sent home with me on Monday? You betcha. I have had a gnarly sweet-tooth lately (maybe it's due to Halloween or something) and I consumed more Coke in the last few days than I did all last month. I've got to get a grip.

I am meeting my husband's co-workers for the first time this afternoon and I have nothing to wear that I feel "cute" in. My wardrobe consists of sloppy long-sleeved tee shirts and I have two pairs of jeans that fit. One of them isn't the slightest bit comfortable and the zipper is messed up on it. *sigh* All of my cute autumn transition clothes are too small because I can't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes still. And I only have a few items of clothing I can actually wear because clothes cost money and this year has been...well, despite having a baby and loving being a mom, it's been a really, really hard year on all of us in more areas than one. Sometimes I don't get to eat until after 8:00 p.m., if the baby is having an extra fussy evening. Yesterday, I chowed down on a greasy chicken sandwich and fries from our cafeteria at work. Today, we are having a pizza party.

Must. Get. a. Grip.

I picked out the cutest thing I have, which is a short-sleeved cardigan with a black cami underneath and my "good" pair of jeans and a pair of black boots. Maybe that will do. It's a bit oversized, but at least it will hide my flab. It's in the car and I'll change at my mom's when I go to pick up the boy. I just don't want people thinking my husband is married to a slob. But, tomorrow, I'll probably wear a long-sleeved tee shirt and PJ pants. And Sunday, I'll wear one of the two church outfits I have that fits. Luckily, I don't have to dress up for work. But I feel sloppy and uncomfortable every single day.

Unlike Kyrstin, I don't feel comfortable with my body right now. I am soft and babies love soft. But, I think I'm too soft. My stomach has always been my problem area and now it's even worse. Throw in extra hip and butt fat. MK says that I still look good, but I don't believe him. I don't like who I see in the mirror.

I have to do this for me. I don't want to be one of those women who has "let herself go." True, I had a baby 6 months ago, but I know all kinds of women who look...not as bad as I do...after having a kid.

Not sure what the point of this post was, other than to just vent my feelings. I'm not really adding any nuggets of goodness to the blog today. And for that, I apologize. Maybe I'll feel better next week. And maybe I'll be desperate enough to haul my butt to the gym on Monday. We'll see...

getting this right

so. i went shopping this weekend, and purchased a few items of clothing. i've forever worn size 18 or XL. it's just what i wear. but i'm not happy with how my clothes fit. they're too loose under my bum, and tight in other places...

we hit sales. and i bought smaller sizes!

so, i bought some pants in an 18 (but they're gap), skirt in a 16, and a few tops that were either large (not XL!) or size 16 (not 18!). they're all super cute, and fit great, and make me look awesome.

i'm not losing more weight. i was wearing the wrong size! so, while i'd love to be down another size or two, i'm happy where i am for now. i feel good, i'm eating well, and while i'm not currently losing weight, i'm looking alright where i am.

don't get me wrong, i'm not done yet. like i said, i'd like to be down a little more. i want to lose some weight before i have baby (babies?), and feel better in general. but i'm not unhappy, which is a really good thing.

i see it now!

it's easy to hear people say you look good. or they can tell you've lost weight. maybe your clothes fit better than they have before, or, like me, you've dropped a size. but i have this image of myself. i still see myself as my heaviest, from over a year ago. i have no idea why chris is attracted to me. i see my sagging skin (albeit, it's that way from weight loss, but still), and i feel so ugly sometimes.

then, i go get my name changed (which, for some reason, makes me feel prettier anyway), and get a new license in the process.

they took a new picture.

(before on the right, after on the left. sorry for the quality, but it's on my phone. and i zoomed in so you couldn't see my address, etc. you understand.)

now, even i can tell. and it makes me so happy. so happy, that i have a new little burst of motivation for continued weight loss.

yay for little moments.

Back on the Wagon

Okay, so since I have to go back to work on Tuesday after two months of maternity leave and C-section recovery, I figured I might as well utilize the free gym we have on campus. So, I expect you all to keep me accountable. I'm thinking I will walk on the treadmill or do the elliptical on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and use the weight machines on Tuesday and Thursday. I am 15 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. My first goal is to get back down to that size. My second goal, and I know it might take awhile, is to lose a total of 45 pounds. Yes, this is lofty. Yes, it takes quite a bit of time to lose weight after baby, but I'm tired of feeling lumpy and hippy and flabby. I know that the most important thing is to be healthy and to have energy for my son, but I want to look good, too! I haven't felt good about my body in about five years, so it's about time.

So, would you please do me the honor of prodding me on toward my goal?

P.S. This is the cutest reason to gain 45 pounds. :)

P.P.S. Does anyone know of a good way to track progress for those of us who don't have iPhones?

Trying to keep our humor about us.

There is nothing funny about a carrot stick. Truly. Nothing. However, if I couldn't laugh about this, I would probably be crying while I crunch. Here's a blurp from my FAV author to help us along.

"As I sat there sucking in my stomach and seeing nothing move, the twelfth major religion of the world began to form in my mind.

A religion founded in the twentieth century based on the four ignoble truths:

BLOUSES WORN OUTSIDE THE BODY FOOL NO ONE.

ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL IS AN INCOMPLETE SENTENCE.

IF THERE'S LIFE AFTER WHIPPED CREAM, IT'S IN THIGH CITY.

STARCHING A CAFTAN, NEVER SOLVES ANYTHING.

I would call my new religion FATSU. The disciples would be every woman who has ever gone to bed hungry and who sought a destiny of pantyhose that bagged at the knee.

The day of worship would be Monday, what else?

And the daily chant would be MARTYLERMOORE. . . MARYTYLERMOORE.

I could almost see Jean Nieditch standing in the middle of thunder and lightning while the seven FATSU commandments were being flashed on a head of lettuce:

THOU SHALT NOT PUNISH THYSELF BY TRYING ON A BATHING SUIT WEARING KNEE HI'S.

THOU SHALT NOT CONSIDER GRAVY AND HOLLANDAISE SAUCE A BEVERAGE.

THOU SHALT NOT KILL FOR CHOCOLATE.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL HALLOWEEN CANDY FROM THY CHILDREN.

THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER MIRRORS BEFORE THEE BUT SPECIAL ONES.

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF COTTAGE CHEESE IN VAIN.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBORS DESSERT.

Banded together, we would surpass the Shinto, Confucian, Hindu and even the Moslem religions of the world. Our disciples would roam the earth spreading the word: starvation. Maybe once a year we'd have a sacrifice by throwing a butterscotch sundae off a cliff. On that day we'd all fast, of course."

-Erma Bombeck

So, anyhow, I'm clinging to humor to get through the weeks with a smile on my face. What coping methods are you guys using? Let me know!!!!

Have a great week!

Body Image Issues

I know, I know--I'm pregnant. It's normal to have body image issues right now. BUT, I had body image issues before I was ever pregnant. As I've mentioned before, I'm 5'3 and was definitely not within my BMI range when I conceived. I hadn't been for about four or five years. I felt most comfortable with my body when I was about 130 pounds back, oh, eight years ago! That may sound big for someone my height, but I have curves and big boobs and just never have really been a skinny girl except for in high school. I have always had a thick waist. My proportions seemed more balanced at 130. I will not say how much I weigh now, obviously, because there's another person inside of me. I will tell you this: I almost weigh as much as my husband does and he's not skinny either. Yikes!

Anyway, back to my point. I looked in the mirror a few days ago as I was undressing and started sobbing at the sight of my hips. I fear they will never go back to the way they were, and they weren't that great to start out with. Lots of flab and stretch marks and they are very pointy now! Where in the world did that come from? I know your body goes through tons of changes when you're with-child, but DANG! I don't just have a big belly anymore...it's starting to move all over. My butt is big, my thighs and hips are big, my calves are even big. I'm just thick all over. I definitely don't ever want to weigh this much if I'm not pregnant. My ankles can't handle it.

Luckily, MK comforted me and said that my body will go back to the way it was after I have the baby. I said, "What if it doesn't? I don't want to be fat!" He said that he needs to lose weight too and we can work on it together. That's a good man, right there.

I H-A-T-E exercise and it's not necessarily because I'm lazy. I just don't get that "I feel great!" euphoria afterward like many of you have talked about; I never have. The times I've gone to the gym have been an excruciating chore for me. It's seriously like pulling teeth to get me to go. I have to make it a routine and even then, there's no guarantee that I will stick with it. And if I'm not seeing results? You can forget it. The one successful time I did have at the gym was right before I met my husband and I didn't see results right away, but I stuck with it because I could feel my muscles start to tone up. I didn't lose weight at first (I think I have a really low metabolism) but for some reason, my drive was better during this time and I kept going. I was eating better too. I actually enjoy weight lifting more than cardio (honestly, I HATE to sweat. And I'm not a primadonna, so I don't know where that came from. That's why I hate summer so much.) and I can't stand doing anything ab-related. Luckily, we have a gym at work and it's free. It's just hard for me to go because I don't want to get all sweaty before work and by the time it's the end of the day, I'm tired and don't really wanna do it. I need motivation, big time.

I know this is just a rambling of sorts, but I don't really have any point to make today. Just wanted to talk about my issues and get them all out there. Are y'all gonna help me when I can start exercising again after the baby comes? :) I don't have a fancy iPhone to track my progress like some of you.