Something happened to me this week that honestly, I’m finding hard to talk about. Nonetheless, it’s in the vein of this blog, and it’s something I’m dealing with as part of my healthiness journey, so I thought it was important to talk about here.
I was having a really good week. Not working out as much as I should be, but avoiding holiday bad-eating for the most part. I was even starting to feel a bit festive, having finally gotten the Christmas tree and the lights up outside. My roommate and I were both sick at home, and decided to spend a day curled up in our pjs, watching Christmas movies. Despite the pain in my head and sinuses, I was in a fairly decent mood.
That is, until I logged into my Facebook and saw the following commentary on one of my recent photos.
“you are really fat girls…have a good time, but how to loose these pounds? I got weight too lately and I’m panic because I can’t fit into my favourite trousers which I bought 3 years ago…I guess metabolism doesn’t work as good when people are in their 40 tys. But you are not in 40tys yet, what is going on, fatzos?”
I was shocked. I gasped so loudly that the roommate turned and looked at me. For about 45 seconds, I couldn’t even formulate a single word. Afterwhich, I simply passed her my laptop and let her read the hateful commentary. (She was the other person in the photo, and the reason for the plural.) We both started crying moments later.
The woman who wrote the comment was my aunt, which honestly, makes it hurt that much worse than if it had been a stranger or an acquaintance. This is family, someone who’s supposed to see through the weight on my hips and see who I am inside.
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the (admittedly chubby) stomach. As easy as it is to say that I’m not going to let someone’s ignorance and hate effect me or bring me down, it’s really, really hard not to feel the pain. As I’m writing this, I’m actually tearing up.
It’s frustrating, because…why do people say things like this? Don’t they think I know that I’m heavy? I’m WORKING on it. I’m losing weight. I’m sorry that it’s not fast enough for everyone else’s standards, but dammit, you can’t drop 40-50 pounds overnight, no matter HOW good you’re eating, or how much you’re working out. Weight comes off slowly, it’s just the way it is.
Why is weight the only thing that it’s appropriate to comment on these days? I mean, commenting on someone’s race, sexuality, religion..these are all taboo topics. Calling someone fat, however, and making painfully cruel comments is still acceptable. You only have to pick up any cheesy entertainment magazine to see the harsh criticism that’s socially acceptable. “Best and Worst Swimsuit Bodies”, “Starlet is putting on the holiday pounds!” “Daytime Talk Show Host is off her diet, again!” Honestly, I’d take any of those “worst” swimsuit bodies any day of the week.
Why is it that everything else goes to the side if someone is overweight? Suddenly, that’s all I’m worth to my aunt. Never mind the work I do, the volunteerism I do, the blogs I write for, the life I live, the smile on my face in that photograph…all I am is just overweight.
And then the other part of me just wants to rebel and shout at the world, screw you for not taking me seriously as a heavy girl! Why should I have to conform to skinny girl standards in order for my life to have some meaning and the words I say to be considered important!
This is where I am this week.
But as one of the wisest women I know said, fat is fixable. I can always diet and get skinny. Coldheartedly cruel, well, my aunt is stuck being THAT woman forever.
3 comments:
Oh, my word! That's awful!!! You kind of expect that sort of comment sometimes from older people, like when old ladies start losing their "filter" but not from an aunt. My aunts are all heavy, but they are also speak-their-mind kind of people; however, I seriously doubt any of them would comment on my weight publicly. It's hard to recover from that kind of blow. I'm so, so sorry. But you're right, you can lose the weight but some people are just jerks until they die.
Don't let this keep you down. Keep doing what you're doing. You're on the right path, which is way more than I can say for myself! I'm not even trying right now, although, trying on clothes yesterday really hurt my ego.
This is insane to me. I can't believe that your family would not only say it to you but post it on Facebook. Keep up everything that you are doing and show her how its done. *hugs*
I don't know you. I stumbled upon your blog. But what I do know is...you are the apple of God's eye....period (Zech 2:8). Not a "chubby", "obese", "overweight", or "round" apple....just His very special Scarlett, whose hairs He has taken time to number (Luke 12:7).
Stay the course...don't be distracted.
Tasha
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