Truth

Well, what can I say? Another week, another 2lbs of weight gain... presumably healthy weight gain, but with the chocolate I eat... how can I be sure? 6 weeks left till baby... and I'm not going to lie... I'm getting nervous. Aaaand when I'm nervous... I eat. It's a truth that I don't even really like to admit to myself. Sad? Eat. Angry? Eat. Scared? Eat. BORED? Eat.

Last time I had a baby, I had a breakdown. It wasn't pretty... it was emotional, and scary... and life changing. It was full of sadness, confusion, self-doubt and, you guessed it, food. It was a vicious cycle... cry, eat, gain weight, hate the weight, cry and then eat. I am not entirely sure if being aware of this cycle (or the causes of the cycle in the first place, which I now understand) can stop me from going through them again... I'm hoping that I'm stronger... that I've accepted more of my faults, and excelled in more of my strengths. I hope that my baby feels the same love that Ky felt, and that he grows to be the same kind of child that I created last time... (in spite of myself).

I'm driven by self-awareness, and an understanding that I didn't have before... but in saying that, I'm also aware that there is very little "reason" involved in mental health issues, and hormonal imbalance. I need to be careful. I need to be positive. I need to ensure that I feel good about me... whatever weight I am.

SO - this week, I just want us all to remember that we are beautiful in spite of our weight. That we try hard, that we work hard, that we play hard, that we love hard.... and that we eat what we need to continue doing those things. Yes we can make better choices. Yes we can exercise and help ourselves, (and our families in the long run!) but we are beautiful.

YOU are beautiful.