The Harsh Truth....

It's been awhile since I have posted a blog here, and I apologize for my lack of involvement.  I should be posting no matter what, so I hope my Twitter to get Fitter ladies will forgive me. 

I preface this blog with saying this, dieting is an up and down roller coaster.  I have battled with weight my entire life.  Im also going to admit a harsh truth about myself.  My name is Stephanie and I am a 5'1", 351 pound woman.  I have managed to lose down 250 pounds, hit a plateau, give up, and gain it all back, plus some. I lose the will power easily. There is no excuse for my weight. I do have thyroid problems, but you know what, no one forces the food down my throat. People say I have a disease. No, I have a love affair with food. Some say it's because I use food as comfort. I don't agree with that either. I eat when Im happy, sad, depressed, stressed, partying, etc... Some people eat to live, I live to eat.


Two years ago, I looked into having the LapBand procedure done.  Of course I was a prime candidate.  I spent close to $2000 out of my pocket between doctor, physcologist, and nutritionist visits to get ready for this surgery.  I gave up carbs, exercised, and before the surgery was to be scheduled, I lost 30 pounds in less than 6 weeks.  The doctor gave the approval for the surgery and everything now weighed on my insurance company.  Please keep in mind that both I and my doctors office called the insurance company and was told the procedure would be covered.  After all of that, the insurance denied the surgery.  I fought with the insurance company for almost a year and was finally told that it was over.  They would not hear another appeal from me.  The procedure would not be covered, period.  Of course I was devestated, and "accepted" that I was just going to be fat for the rest of my life. 

I have even been heard saying that I would rather be fat and happy, verses skinny and miserable.  Guess what?  Im fat and miserable.  I don't have to be fat and miserable.  So, Ive joined WeightWatchers, because as long as I have stuck with it, I have lost some weight.  My goal is too lose 215 pounds.  Seeing that number feels intimidating.  However, I did not put this weight on overnight and Im not going to lose it overnight.  I have to get the will power and the determination to get it off.  Even if it takes 3 years.  That seems awfully long, but I have to do this for myself.  No one can do it for me.  

I end with this, I have not told you my harsh truth looking for sympathy or judgement.  I tell you this story to hopefully find the courage I need to do what I have to do lose this weight.  I don't want to walk through a store anymore and here little kids say "Mom, look at that fat woman.  She's huge!" or have to shop specialty stores to find clothes to fit me.  I would love to be able to walk into WalMart or Target, and buy an outfit.  So, I hope that you guys will remain a source of support.  I hope you see how badly I really need you.  Take care and lots of love.